So Aaron and I had a nice weekend at home.
Maeve didn't have to work on Saturday or today, so we were able to relax, run, and watch some football. We also had our first fire of the year. The trees are in full color here and the weather has been great. We put together the futon Aaron bought for my birthday too (surprisingly without much fighting). So bring on the visitors - now we have even more room!
We also watched the movie "Sicko" yesterday by Michael Moore. Of course it was depressing with the theme being about the current American Health care system and the state of things. The one point I loved - the theme that resonated the most with me was that no matter what your political persuasion might be, no matter what you believe - it is essential to get educated on the issues, get active in the system, and vote!
Even I am guilty...despite still voting and trying to get involved with volunteering (with no response back from the party organizers) after moving to a red state, I have been increasingly inactive in the political system. Not only have I personally missed the excitement, I have found myself falling prey to the typical response - why? Nothing I can do (especially here) will make a difference.
Which brings me to this...I was always told/always thought (as a complete generalization) that the older you get the more conservative you become. While I still liken myself to tree hugger, I have recently found myself becoming more sympathetic to...well, let's just say more realistic ideals. This I have found to be true: the older you get...the more responsibilities you have, the less time you have; the more experience you have, the more practical you become; the busier you are, the more apathetic you tend to be...it is my nightmare. What happened to my old pie in the sky optimism? What happened to my drive to make a difference? What happened to my belief that I (just one person) could make a positive difference in the world?
I have even felt this at work. Aaron and I have both discussed this lately (in terms of each of our careers). So you start working and find yourself wanted to make a positive difference, you start thinking about how you can make things better, what works - what doesn't, what you would change. You start examining your career and making goals for yourself professionally. Then you realize that the very people that make your life difficult are the front line administrators and managers you hope to next become. And then you wonder, will I become that? In all my daily efforts to further my own career, will I loose sight of what matters - making a positive difference? Would I in their shoes (realizing what pressure their under from their bosses and all the things they have to do on a daily basis) forget about all the good ideas I once had...be beaten down by system. It's such a catch 22. How do you work the system and be in a position to make a difference without changing in the process? So, what are you left with (what Aaron and I have come to appreciate) is that one of two things typically happens: (1) you become one of them - part of the problem, a pawn in the system - a manager stuck with the pressure of politics, or (2) you become apathetic and content to stay where you are at...to do your job - nothing more, pick up your paycheck and tow the line.
I am not quite sure what the solution is...how to change the system, but I am more determined than ever to do so. Aaron always tells me that I was born in the wrong decade - that I am just a lost flower child, hippie with Farrah
Fawcett hair - lost without a cause. Maybe he's right, but I for one don't think there is anything wrong with being passionate, wanted to make a difference, and doing something about it.
So, my pledge to you...my life's ambition...my new project is to work through this - find a way to exist in this screwed-up system, while making a difference. In theory it all sounds great - everything we have ever been told - that democracy works, that with hard work and
perseverance you can be in a position to make a difference...in reality, it's all a game...a challenge - to live within the system while simultaneously bucking it. I don't know what the solution is, but I refuse to give up or succumb to it!
